Reblogged from More Magazine: Your State of Friendship
3 or 4 – the number of very close friends – people with whom you share anything – reported by women who are satisfied or very satisfied with their friendships
Is that your number? Do you even have to count how many close friends you have?
Translation: “Honesty between friends often takes the form of sincerity, being yourself and not putting on airs. When two womencan be authentic with each other, there’s an incredible sense of comfort and understanding. Honesty also means not being deceptive or keeping big secrets, which can rankle the bonds of friendship. Being honest does not entail telling a friend everything on your mind or pointing out her ever foible. Honesty needs to be practiced judiciously.” — New York University friendship expert Irene Levine, PhD
I like when I can feel ‘at ease and myself’ – that’s what my friendships do for me…
“When you’re in college and high school, you’re with your peers all the time, doing the same things, and it’s very easy to make friends,” says Irene Levine, PhD, professor of psychiarty at NYU Langone School of Medicine. But a few years later, many women take on a job and parenting responsibilities. “When you have little spare time, it’s hard to make friends,” Levine says. “Every life transition wreaks havoc on friendships.” Once you graduate from school, become an empty nester or retire from a job, you leave a social circle behind—and starting new relationships isn’t always easy when you are no longer surrounded by people in similar circumstances. Still, 22 percent of you feel that it has been easier to make friends as you’ve grown older. Says a reader: “I auditioned for a play. Theater was a great joy in my younger days, and I knew I’d find kindred spirits there.”
I have one good colleague that I call a friend (Erica) but I can honestly say that I wish I had more time to spend with her! But the times we do, definitely help with the stress of work.
Odds are you don’t maintain the rambunctious social life you may have had in your twenties. But as you grow older, quality more than makes up for quantity. “Now that I am more mature and grounded, I gravitate to individuals who are more grounded and secure,” writes one woman. Many of you—a whopping 81 percent—have intentionally ended at least one adult friendship. “I now leave negative relationships without guilt,” a reader notes. Among those who ended a friendship, the chief reasons were that they lost respect for their friend, or their friend was too self-centered, or was too needy. “I have less tolerance for disfunctionality,” reports an enlightened reader. Shades of Dallas: Two women volunteered that their close friends had had affairs with their spouses!
I like my new friendship (Erica) and don’t feel the loss from another (Sandra).
You probably know someone like this. When the two of you walk down the street, she’s constantly greeted by acquaintances; her cell phone never stops buzzing; and her dance card is always full. What makes her different from most people? Here’s the profile that emerged in our survey.
This post reminded me of why I appreciate Erica and a few others and why I’m glad they’ve come into my life!