Do you ever get the feeling that your life comes ‘full circle’ at times? If you live long enough, you will inevitably make the same discovery: that life isn’t linear; it loops itself around and hits REPEAT.
I’ve experienced one of these loops recently as I go to work at our small, little office and feel like I’ve gone back to how I worked when I was younger. It’s a good feeling, but also ironically funny. Like most of us who were young adults in the ’80’s, we can recall that feeling of wanting to be driven in our jobs and looking to climb the corporate ladder. But you start out small offices/places (especially depending on where you lived) and eventually your life moves forward.
Some of us eventually do move forward to jobs/positions that take us up the ladder and then we continue to push upward and onward. All-the-while not realizing or understanding what that future will be. We work harder (or longer) to make more money, to buy things we want (not always need) and we don’t look back or look at what is happening to us. Ahh, the ’80s…
This is about mid-life (or as we said to ourselves “OMG, I’m becoming my parent” (lol). We have pushed ourselves, we’ve created stress, we have definitely done more with ourselves, but the sad underlying factor is: we don’t really even know who the hell we are or what we’ve become! And did we even notice that we’ve aged, did we really enjoy any of those things we bought, did we really look at the life we created with others as well? And sadly (if) did we notice that we created children of our own and we are now aware that we don’t really even know them?
Fourth Loop (our circle is complete)
My life (in some ways) has come full circle – I’m happier working in a small office, not wanting to climb that ladder anymore (my last job did make me want to sometimes jump off that ladder). I REALLY enjoy supporting a GOOD boss and not wanting to be anything/anyone other than that.
We are older, not really any wiser (although some still think they are), at work (we may have gotten to be better at this); but we are not wiser in life! IF we take the time to stop and notice, we’ve lost communication with each other (cell phones should be called CELL time – you know, like prison time). We don’t actually talk to each other, we don’t listen as well as we should and we continue to race around looking for the next best thing. But at this point, our lives have come full circle and the REPEAT begins.
Our bodies have started to revert back to some of what we call the ‘baby state’. Sadly, we have short-term memory (in child it’s the beginning of creating memories). We don’t have the stability (strength) of our youth, our bodies feel sometimes like the chubby babies (but this isn’t so cute now), we lose balance (babies work toward this) and yes, there can be the embarrassing issues! THIS is the repeat – we repeat some of our baby (child) like states in our older years.
As I’ve mentioned before, working with geriatric patients and typing up their active problems on the chart notes, it’s sad when I recognize some of their issues, I also already have. My only fear about aging is becoming a burden to others!
But one of the BENEFITS of this REPEAT is how sometimes that dementia can actually be amusing and child-like in ways that make you smile! It slows you down, maybe it gives you the time to: have the ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude, the ‘I’m having fun and being ME persona’, and the ‘I need to enjoy the rest of my life now’ becomes our focus. This is part of what I want to aspire to with my REPEAT: be silly, being me, wanting to enjoy the last chapter and looking forward to holding my own ‘grandchildren’ in their baby times. Finding ways to still have fun, to really look at life, to appreciate what I’ve been through and to sometimes just dance!