Following my 50th birthday (April 2014), things have been a bit of a struggle. Don’t know if it’s just menopause or what, but fighting through depression and then work issues have certainly made it impossible to live a Simple, Romantic Life!
Yes, I know I’m not alone, there are so many others who have lives that are much more difficult than my own, but I sometimes feel like Robin Williams must have felt. Trying to mask the pain and internal torment when trying to keep a happy, smiling face. I am still sad over the loss of an amazing man, father and someone who made us laugh.
My A-type personality torments me just about things I need to do as I’m getting older: make sure the kids are taken care of, take care of any left over bills, finances, oops I haven’t written that will or gotten that life insurance policy yet… you know, make sure others are not left with any of my issues.
But I continue to flounder, finding little tidbits of things that do actually make me smile, sharing laughs with a new friend, hearing the laughter of a young child, reminding myself that I’ve created two amazing kids (that is my only good legacy), but even the moments when my PITA of a kitty finally sits next to me and I have to reach out and just hold him close, “love him, squeeze him and resist the temptation of popping his little head off” (lol). Okay, don’t get scared, that a little comment from an old cartoon where the little girl torments her poor cat…
The hardest part lately is trying to also not continue to lash out at poor Michael. He has a great heart and obviously a lot of patience, but sometimes when I just need to have some strength or feel like someone else is going to take over the responsibilities. Admittedly, my romantic side wants the damn Rhett Butler to my annoying Scarlett moments and to just take me in his arms and also say, “No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”