There has been a rather ironic correlation between celebrity breakups/separations/divorces and some of my own family. It saddens me tremendously, and I hope they are able to survive this and find happiness. But it also makes me look at my own personal life.
And how does that relates to work, well as I amuse myself with my ‘similarities’ to the movie: The Devil Wears Prada. Not on a ‘permanent’ basis as it was, but I can tell you that it was my life (without all the great clothes)! lol
I also realize that I am most definitely a woman of the 80’s. I’ll try and make this a synopsis: I married rather quickly (didn’t even know my ex-husband, other than through high school) but we shared 26 years together (beginning in the early 80’s). I’d already lived an interesting childhood (lack thereof) and so I can honestly attest I don’t even know why I got married. Damn romantic I guess… (yet I never imagined weddings/marriage/etc. as a kid and of course my parents divorce left me very cynical). But the best part was the birth of my children. During that time, I had been ‘striving’ to start my adult life at work; I was a legal secretary and even I was amazed at what I was able to ‘deal’ (love all these quotations) with. Between prejudice comments, threats for my job and finding my own strength, I was learning to navigate a relationship & family – only to have some personal scares that definitely brought out more FIGHT in me. I had to become driven, a bit vengeful and most certainly had to protect! THAT affected my relationship and most certainly made what would ultimately be the beginning of how I dealt with life (and him). Let’s just say that I certainly lost my romantic side.
I’d have moments when I’d be happy, creative and romantic both mentally and visually. But time and time again, I would be tested in my strength (work and relationship) and also had to become more of the bread-winner of my new family. I think (now) how I wished I realized what marriage/relationships should be like – they need to be more equal/balanced. A partnership (just like in businesses – that survive). You have to work at them (both) to ultimately be successful/appreciated/respected/and loved. You will be tested, you will fail, but YOU have to be the person that can stand back up and decide if your going to move forward or just sit and wallow. Me – I moved forward, time and time again. But in my marriage, I also realized that I was growing up and it was time for me to let go. He was/is a great father, I appreciate who he is, but yes eventually that ‘business’ had to be closed. I learned quite a lot about myself and I learned to eventually even respect myself. And I learned who I was/am. I may not always like myself, but I definitely admire what I went through to get me to where I am.
And when I deal with my Devil Wears Prada moments, I smile (eventually, after I get mad/rant) and tell myself – Fuck It! I’m old enough now to know what I want, to know that I will always be tested/knocked down and disrespected – but it doesn’t make me a bad person – it’s them! And yet I still have learned about them and learned from them…
I now have a relationship with a man that I admire (also in his own work life) and I’ve learned that I don’t need to be married to be with him and I also know that I keep parts of my OWN LIFE to myself – parts that don’t include him – I’ve learned that to be in a relationship you NEED those times to be you. You need to separate yourself enough to miss that other person and when you come together you need to learn to deal with what comes up. If you follow your instincts well enough to know its time to go – you do it! I’m still here (to stay) and although I also still ‘worry’ about my work relationships, I realize that I am who I am. I have lots to offer (even those individuals who do their best to knock me down) – guess what, I still like myself! Old, woman of the 80’s; short, not passive aggressive – really just a cynical, little bitch – but still a romantic fool with a heart that wants to make others happy! I like that about myself – that I truly want to make others happy and live a Simple, Romantic Life!!
So, to those of you who are separated/divorced/single – as they say, “You get what you ask for”… in life, work and relationships.